


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by sinfulwonder



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Morning Cuddles, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:50:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfulwonder/pseuds/sinfulwonder
Summary: Two years after the 53rd season of Danganronpa, and Shuichi Saihara is still struggling to survive. Nightmares haunt his sleep while flashbacks plague his days. Kokichi Oma tries to help the struggling boy move forward.Post killing game.





	1. Two Years Later

_I'm standing at the podium, staring down at the small screen at my fingertips._

"Who do I..."

_This is my fault. I glance at the others around me and they all wave back. They're just bones now. Their corpses fall, clicking and clacking as I scream for the countless time. Pink splatters all around me._

"Why did it have to go this way?"

_Maniacal laughter fills my ear drums._

"No..no don't-"

Shuichi shoots up from his sleep, breathing ragged and heavy. He feels a small arm curl around his waist

"It was just a dream," a small murmur hits his ears.

Shuichi slowly lowered himself back on his pillow, glancing to the side of him. Purple hair fell messily over the pillow next to him, as large violet orbs stared at him, concern etched into his pale face.

"Kokichi. You're up early today," Shuichi whispered as he glanced at the clock, breathing slowly returning to normal, "Also, you're a liar."

"Neyheehee," Kokichi's eyes lit up as he laughed, "I've never lied in my life!" He tightened his grip on Shuichi's waist, pulling himself closer until he was nestled into the navy haired boy's chest. "Plus, how could I get any sleep with all of that screaming?"

Shuichi blushed, "I'm... sorry, Kokichi. I'm sorry you have to deal with me."

Kokichi lightly dug his chin into the boy's chest as he turned to look up into Shuichi's eyes.

He frowned, "Don't act like you got a say in this set up!" Kokichi eyes had that mischievous sparkle, "I'm the ultimate supreme leader and you're my prisoner!" Shuichi chuckled, "I'll always be with you, until I decide that I'm bored with you!" Kokichi continued, "And when I'm bored with you, I'll have to kill you of course! That's just how it goes..."

Shuichi ruffled the purple eyed boy's hair and smiled.

_He's always here when I need him. He sticks by my side throughout everything. No matter how many flashbacks or nightmares I have, Kokichi can always pull me out of them with that goofy smile of his and his extravagant lies._

Shuichi turned and pulled out of the smaller boy's grasp, receiving a childlike whine in return. But Shuichi ignored it and made his way to the bathroom.

He twisted the shower knob, and slowly, freezing droplets of water hit the ceramic tub. Shuichi watches, as they hit, the water slowly getting warmer. He watches a small pool form at the drain, each drop causing small ripples that ruin the serene stillness. He watches as the small body hits the water, the perfect surface broken by the splash. Piranhas dance and the water is died pink.

CRASH

Shuichi is on the ground, panting as the shower is once again normal.

_Always...normal. There isn't a body Shuichi. There aren't any more bodies._

It had been two years since they had escaped. Maki, Kaito, Himiko, Shuichi, and Kokichi.

_Right after the group got back from the virtual world... Right after we had to execute poor helpless Gonta._

Kokichi pretended to be the mastermind, but was quickly tackled by an angry Maki. It was after much deliberation, and a lot of begging from Shuichi, that the boy shared his plan, telling them about the electro-hammers and the control for the exisals.

_It was around this time that Keebo went on his rampage..._

"Shuichi!" the purple eyes so close to Shuichi's face made him yelp. Kokichi let out a small laugh, "You should probably get into the shower, instead of just starin' at it!"

Shuichi nodded, stripping and stepping into the shower, as Kokichi plopped on top of the closed lid of the toilet, kicking his feet lazily.

"Shuichi?"

"Yes, Kokichi?"

Kokichi looked down, hands gripped tight on the sides of the toilet, "Shuichi, do you ever miss being a detective?"

Shuichi looked up into the shower head and let droplets of water hit his face, washing away anything unclean, "Well, I never really was a detective in the first place..."

Kokichi frowned at the answer, "But you have those memories!"

"They aren't real..."

"They're real to you!" Kokichi stood suddenly with fists clenched, the sheer curtain now the only thing separating the two, "I just feel like you should be doing something...you deserve to do something that you actually like..."

"I don't hate my office job."

"Now who's the liar?" Kokichi turned and exited the bathroom.

Shuichi let out a long sigh.

After Shuichi and the others escaped the game, with the audience turning on the disguised Tsumugi and the game ending permanently, the survivors were given the opportunity to have their old memories restored or keep the new ones. They couldn't have both. Shuichi declined, not wanting to meet the person who had willingly signed up for a killing game. But that also meant that he had to start over in a strange new world with mostly false memories. No friends or family on the outside. The only other existing people he knew were the participants of the killing game.

_And most of them were d-_

"Shuichi, we should go somewhere!" Kokichi declared with a grin as Shuichi opened the bathroom door.

Shuichi grimaced a little, "I d-don't know, Kokichi."

Kokichi, now fully dressed, grabbed Shuichi's arm and shook it playfully, "We have to leave! I put 100 bombs all over this apartment, and they're about to blow!"

Shuichi let his lips curl into a tiny smile, "You always know what to say to make me feel better."

Kokichi scrunched his nose up in feigned disgust, "Wow, Shushu is into some weird stuff! Why would you be happy about bombs?"

Shuichi just rolled his eyes, continuing to smile, "Where should we go to escape all these bombs?"

"Maybe we could go to the park? Or we could always go to my organization headquarters. You know I have over a million members now?"

Shuichi slipped his t-shirt over his head and mumbled, "Such a liar."


	2. Cold Memories

The couple made their way down the stairs of the apartment complex and out onto the sidewalk. Kokichi rambled on while wrapping his arm through Shuichi's own.

"You're super lucky we made it out in time!" Kokichi sang, "You should thank me for telling you about all the bombs I planted!"

"That doesn't make any sense..." Shuichi sighed.

"What doesn't make any sense?" Shuichi jumped at the voice behind him.

"Oh! Nothing! It's...nothing," Shuichi quickly turned around to face a pale woman with auburn eyes and long brown hair, no longer contained by the pigtails she was once known for, "Maki...hi."

"Maki Roll! Good Morning!" Shuichi squeezed Kokichi's arm, still locked with his own, and Kokichi quieted down.

"Good morning," she said quietly, instinctively crossing her arms and looking towards the ground.

_It makes sense that I'd run into her. But it's still so jarring every time._

The survivors of the game were given a "reimbursement", after making it through. That's what the government had called it. A compensation for playing the game. Among the benefits, if anyone could call them that, were a stipend and an apartment fully paid for by the government. Maki and Shuichi both accepted the housing and thus were neighbors.

"Are you going to work, Maki?"

Even though anyone could live on the stipend the government was giving them, Maki and Shuichi had both decided to get jobs anyway. Maki was a preschool teacher during the day while taking classes at night to get her credentials to teach other grades.

_She's actually doing something with her life..._

"Yes...I should probably get going." Maki turned away, but then quickly decided against it and turned back, "Shuichi..."

"What is it?" Shuichi asked, while Kokichi widened his eyes in interest.

"I'm going to visit Kaito later. You should...you should come see him."

Her eyes met Shuichi's, and he saw the equally stern and thoughtful look he had seen so many times before.

"I-I don't think that's such a good idea," Shuichi stammered, taking a step back.

"You have to go eventually..." She trailed off.

Shuichi was shaking slightly and Kokichi tightened his grip protectively.

Maki's face softened, "Shuichi, I'm worried about you..."

Her face snapped back to her stoic expression in an instant. She turned on her heel, her long hair loose in the wind, as she began to walk away.

"If you change your mind, let me know."

Shuichi watched as she walked away.

"Maybe you should go with her..." Kokichi looked up, clinging to the shaking boy.

Shuichi looked down at the boy and gave him a sad smile, "C'mon. Let's go to the park."

It was cooler than it should have been outside. Summer had just faded into fall, but Shuichi was surprised when he shivered in the deserted park.

"Aww, is Shushu cold?" Kokichi teased him, "Luckily my body stays at 100 degrees Celsius, so I guess you'll just have to depend on me for warmth!"

"I think you're getting worse at lying..." Shuichi smirked.

Kokichi pouted, "Hey!" the boy then broke into a genuine smile, "You still can cuddle with me...depend on me for warmth. That wasn't a lie."

Shuichi just smiled and snuggled into the smaller boy, as Kokichi wrapped his arms around Shuichi's waist and burrowed his head into his t-shirt.

Shuichi didn't feel any warmer.


	3. Comforting Lies

_A ball rolling down. Slow at first, then it finds its rhythm. Metal against metal. Cold and heartless. It would be so loud if there wasn't music drowning it out. Further and further down the rabbit hole. Suddenly, there is a flash I must investigate. I near it, closer and closer, hand reaching out-_

**BAM**

"Agh!" Shuichi cries, suddenly back in reality.

A stack of papers had been slammed on his desk. He looked up to see his boss scowling down at him, arms crossed. Shuichi wiped the drool off his chin.

"Mr. Saihara, if I leave your desk, can I expect you to have these papers done by today? Or are you going to go back to your beauty sleep?"

Shuichi hung his head, embarrassment causing his face to flush red, "I'm sorry. I'll h-have the work on your desk today."

"If you need a day off, the company will allow it," Her face softened just a tiny bit, "We can also provide counseling as well, Mr. Saihara."

"Thank you ma'am. I'll have the work on your desk today." He repeated.

Shuichi saw the look of concern and pity that she gave him and he grimaced.

_Most people look at me like that. I hate that look. I don't deserve it. We all chose to be on that show. In that game._

A metal cart rolled by him and he jumped, instantly recalling his jumbled dream. A flash of white and black consumes his mind while a few dull pangs hit his ears.

_The sound of an out of tune piano._

Shuichi gasps, realizing he has been holding his breath. His heart is racing. He glances at the papers on his desk, but can't focus on any word long enough to read it.

_I'm spiraling, I'm-_

"Shushu!" Shuichi spins around, to see a smiling Kokichi.

"Shh!" Shuichi shushes the yelling purple haired boy. Shuichi whispers, "What are you doing here?"

Kokichi copies his volume level, now whispering, "I own this company! I'm your new boss!"

"Shut up."

Shuichi sighed as Kokichi dragged him out of the building. It turned out that Kokichi came to meet him for lunch. It was a good thing, as Shuichi seemed to have forgotten his lunch at home. The two boys wandered into a small, quiet restaurant where Shuichi ordered a large stir-fry for the two of them to share. Kokichi ran and picked out a private booth, telling the boy that he made sure it wasn't rigged up with explosives.

Shuichi examined the small Kokichi as he rambled, telling big extravagant lies that neither of them would ever believe.

"Why do you do that?"

Kokichi stopped, taken aback, "What do you mean?"

"Why do you even bother lying when you know neither of us are buying it?"

Kokichi pondered for a while, then said, smiling softly, "Lies can be comforting sometimes. Even if they're obviously false."

Shuichi looked down into his bowl of steaming meats and vegetables, "I agree."

"But sometimes," Shuichi looked up to see Kokichi's pensive expression, "Sometimes the truth can set you free."

The two sat in silence, contemplating the liar's words.


	4. Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is final chapter and also the longest by a fair bit. Enjoy!

"I think I'm going to ask Maki to go see Kaito with me."

Kokichi popped up from his pillow, eyes wide, "Really?"

"Yeah. Figured it's about time."

Shuichi lowered the volume on the television. The two were watching _Himiko's Magic Hour_ on cable. The mage never gave up her dream, even after learning that it was all contrived. She still wanted to make as many people smile with her performances as possible.

_And she did it._

She worked hard and now she had an all-ages magic show that toured the country and aired on TV. Everyone watched her show, including Shuichi, who tried to never miss an episode. He loved to see how happy she looked.

"I'm so happy!" Kokichi exclaimed.

"What?" Shuichi asked, snapping back from his thoughts of Himiko.

"I'm so happy that you're going to see Kaito!" Kokichi's expression was genuine and full of joy. It was odd to see him like that, but not in a bad way.

"Why is that?"

Kokichi gave him a confused look, then smiled his mischievous grin, "Don't get the wrong idea. I don't care about Kaito." He paused for a moment and his smile drooped, "It just hurts. Seeing you so sad. You're always sad. And I think this will be your first step forward!"

Kokichi tackled the other boy with a hug. Shuichi clung to him, "Forward?"

"Yep. You've been still for so long, Shushu. There's so much out there for you. You just have to move. Forward!" Kokichi gave him a playful nudge.

_Forward. Can I really do that?_

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Shuichi took a step back and waited. He steadied his breath and thought of what Kokichi said.

_Forward._

The door opened, and Maki stepped out, giving him an inquisitive look.

"Hi Maki."

"Shuichi," she nodded, "Good morning."

Shuichi paused for a moment, words catching in his throat before he forced them out, "Would you go with me to see...Kaito?"

Her eyes softened and she smiled a kind smile at him, "Of course. Let me just put on a sweater."

The two walked along the sidewalk in silence, as the air seemed to grow colder by the second. Shuichi's face grew paler and his heart started to race. Each soft thump of shoe hitting pavement pulled him back to dreams and memories.

_A lot of strange sounds did that. Made me recall things from then._

The shoe reminded him of slamming metal. A hollow, heart shattering thud that repeated again and again.

_Over and over and-_

Maki had taken his hand, the rare act of affection accompanied with a look of deep concern.

"It's okay to not be ready, Shuichi."

Shuichi was shaking like a leaf, eyes wide with fear. But he steadied himself, and took a step.

"I need to move forward."

Maki nodded and they continued, the girl not letting go of Shuichi's hand. They arrived a few minutes later, the sun shining brightly as the crossed into the graveyard.

_It was so close to my apartment. And still it's taken me two years to get here._

Maki led him to a separately fenced off area containing a series of gravestones. She pointed to the small monument placed just before the entrance.

** _These plots are reserved for the brave individuals from the 53rd killing game. They had the strength to defy and end the game once and for all. Together, they helped society pledge to end this horrible cycle and never begin it again. The Contestants of the Final Danganronpa._ **

Shuichi read it and tears started to well up.

_Maybe they didn't die for nothing. Maybe it did change things._

Shuichi took a step forward. Each grave stone had a different name.

"Would you like to be alone?" Maki released his hand, "I'll stay if you'd like, but I understand if you want to be alone."

Shuichi thought about it and nodded, "Y-yes please. Thank you."

"I'll be near the entrance."

Shuichi took a careful step. He examined the first grave with cautious eyes.

** _RANTARO AMAMI: ULTIMATE SURVIVOR_ **

"Hey buddy. You finally get to explore a place you hadn't been to before."

** _KAEDE AKAMATSU: ULTIMATE PIANIST_ **

"Kaede. Thank you so much for bringing us together. You were my strength."

Shuichi felt tears trail down his face, as his finger traced the words on each stone.

** _RYOMA HOSHI: ULTIMATE TENNIS PRO_ **

"I know what you're thinking. I've still got a ways to go," Shuichi felt a sad smile form on his face, "But hey, I'm trying."

** _KIRUMI TOJO: ULTIMATE MAID_ **

"You put others' needs before your own till the very end, Kirumi. I always admired that."

** _ANGIE YONAGA: ULTIMATE ARTIST_ **

"Oh, Angie. You were always so full of life. I hope Atua is watching over you."

** _TENKO CHABASHIRA: ULTIMATE AIKIDO MASTER_ **

"Tenko, have you seen Himiko?" he smiled grew wider, "I'm sure you have! She's amazing! I'm sure you're so proud of her."

** _KOREKIYO SHINGUJI: ULTIMATE ANTHROPOLOGIST_ **

"I may have never truly understood you, Kiyo, but I do hope you're with your sister at last. Or at least have found peace."

** _MIU IRUMA: ULTIMATE INVENTOR_ **

"Miu, your wild personality never failed to keep me on my toes. I'm sure you're laughing at me getting all sentimental, calling me some dumb nickname."

** _GONTA GOKUHARA: ULTIMATE ENTOMOLOGIST_ **

"Gonta, you were the kindest of all of us. An unwavering kindness given to every creature, no matter how small. I hope you're treated with that same kindness wherever you are."

Shuichi wandered through the stones and stopped to nod at Tsumugi's. He recalled that there was a decent amount of debate on whether to allow her body to be buried here. It was eventually allowed when Maki and Himiko agreed. Shuichi had refused to participate in the discussion. But here it was.

** _TSUMUGI SHIROGANE: ULTIMATE COSPLAYER_ **

"I know I never knew the real you, Tsumugi. But I liked the version of you that I met. I hope you've found peace after all of this."

He moved on with mixed feelings after a minute of staring at her grave.

** _K1-BO (KEEBO): ULTIMATE ROBOT_ **

"Keebo. You may have been a robot, but I think you had the biggest heart of us all. Your sacrifice to get us out, I'm forever grateful. I know it doesn't seem like it since I've been letting my life waste away, but that changes today. That's a promise Keebo."

Tears flowed freely now as he wandered up to Kaito's grave.

** _KAITO MOMOTA: LUMINARY OF THE STARS_ **

"Hey, bro," Shuichi whispered, shuffling his feet, "I'm sorry it's...taken me so long to visit." He sat down next to the grave stone and began to share everything he wanted to say.

He first discussed everything new going on in his life, which didn't take too long, especially since two years had passed. He then tried to explain the differences of the real world and the world from their artificial memories. How things worked differently, looked differently, and even smelled differently from the memories they had been provided in the game. He then updated the astronaut on Maki and Himiko.

"Maki even smiles sometimes. Like she did when she was with you. I think she's really happy teaching kids. You'd be so proud of her."

After conversing some more to his best friend, he slowly stood, "I know I was just your sidekick and all...but I'm gonna try to live on for you. For everyone. Make this whole thing mean something. Who knows, maybe I'll even go to space. I...just wanted you to know that. I love you, bro."

Shuichi glanced at the final grave and tears streaked his face.

** _KOKICHI OMA: ULTIMATE SUPREME LEADER_ **

"Shushu! You finally came to visit!" Kokichi's purple eyes lit up. He was sitting on his grave stone, one leg crossed over the other with his hands behind his head.

"Y-yeah."

_Lies can be comforting sometimes. Even if they're obviously false._

Shuichi always told himself that the game ended with the virtual world. That he convinced Kokichi to tell him his plans and that they all escaped together. That he, Maki, and Himiko made it out with Kaito and Kokichi. That Shuichi had been a good enough detective to get more of them out. But that wasn't the case.

_A hollow, heart shattering thud that repeated again and again. Over and over. The sound of metal. That's what I remember from the murder video. From watching it over and over again. The hydraulic press seemed to fall faster each time. THUD. THUD. But it also felt like slow motion. Excruciatingly slow._

"I'm happy you finally came."

Shuichi looked up, brought back from his daydream by his hallucination.

He looked at the boy. Was his hallucination even a good copy? He looked exactly how he recalled the supreme leader: the purple hair, the mischievous eyes, his wild cackle. And he still lied constantly. But...he wasn't real.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Kokichi stopped. He jumped from the grave stone and took Shuichi's hands in his own.

_But this felt so real._

"Silly Shushu!" Kokichi laughed, so childlike in nature, "I got to save you! That's wayyy better!"

Shuichi felt tears fall as he fell to his knees, "That's just me lying to myself. You didn't want to die!"

Kokichi kneeled down as well. He lifted Shuichi's chin up so that he was gazing into the supreme leader's violet eyes.

"You're right, I didn't want to die. I wanted to live," Kokichi said with a deadpan expression on his face, "But I wanted other things more."

The smaller boy swiped his finger along Shuichi's tear stained face.

"I wanted to end the killing game. I wanted to turn their stupid game on its head. I wanted to save as many as I could. But most of all, I wanted you to live."

Shuichi pulled the boy into a hug. He felt Kokichi embrace him back.

"And you did! But..." Kokichi faltered, "You've been struggling so much...feeling guilty for having this chance... And that's no fun to watch! It's boring, Shushu! I'm tired of watching you be sad..." his voice quieted, "So I need you to go out there and really live. You've taken that first step forward, but now you have to keep moving! For me? Okay?"

Shuichi nodded as tears flowed freely.

"You can't let me down, or else I'll send my organization after you!"

"O-okay."

"Nyeheehee! Great! Oh, one last thing!" Kokichi exclaimed, as he pulled Shuichi's hands up. The two rose to their feet, "I have to return something!"

Shuichi gave the boy a confused look.

"Aww you don't remember?? I'm so disappointed, Shushu!" Kokichi mocked, "Lucky I'm the most forgiving supreme leader you know!"

Kokichi reached into his pocket and grabbed something in his fist. He then reached out and placed something into Shuichi's open hand and closed his fingers around it.

"I stole your heart, remember?" Kokichi grinned, "But now I'm returning it. I think you could make better use of it anyway!"

"I-I-"

"I don't need it anymore, Shu. I need you to go out and let another thief steal it from you!" Kokichi laughed, "Or give it away for all I care!"

Kokichi turned his back towards Shuichi, "Just promise you'll visit me every once in a while?"

Shuichi stared at the back of Kokichi's head, seeing him tremble slightly, even though his eyes were clouded with tears, "Of course, Kokichi."

Kokichi whipped around with a smile on his face, "Yay!"

The boy leaned towards Shuichi and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Now get out of here! I'm bored with talking to you! Nyeheehee!"

Shuichi saw the tears caught in Kokichi's eyes, "Liar."

But the former ultimate detective, survivor of the final killing game, turned around and slowly walked away from the ghost. He didn't look back; he was too afraid of what he might see. He just tried to keep moving forward. He saw Maki in the distance, who gave him a solemn wave. As he walked towards her, he remembered that he still had his hand clasped on the thing Kokichi gave him.

He opened his fist and to his shock a small object sat in his palm. A tiny metal key, painted gold with a heart at the top. The heart had a tiny red gem inside.

"How..." Shuichi turned around, back towards the graves. No one was there.

Shuichi held the key close to his heart as he met up with Maki. He smiled at her.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

"Yep."

He took a step forward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at fanfiction! I needed to write this to get some of my bittersweet feelings on finishing the game, since, while I enjoyed the ending, it did leave me pretty emotionally unsatisfied. I needed my boy Shuichi to get a little bit of closure at the very least.
> 
> But this is my first real fanfiction, so please feel free to give me constructive feedback!


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